La Mémoire Noire or The Dark Memory is a letter series written to my first surgeon. The man who caused everything ultimately in my life to reach this point today. I was to have 2 surgeries beginning at the age of 9 and his surgical errors altered the course of my life. Ultimately, I instead would require 7 surgeries and experience repeated life-threatening complications resulting in medical PTSD, suicidal and homicidal ideation. This is trauma I am still trying to heal from nearly 30 years later that has touched every aspect of my life and how I react, view, and process the world. I have a lot of hate and anger for this man. As part of my therapeutic efforts to heal, I am writing this series to him. It is my raw, unedited thoughts and feelings towards this man and all that transpired following my first surgery that he performed. It will be a series that is periodically updated as I process each letter, my trauma, and continue inching towards healing embodying full love and forgiveness for myself and others.
Monday, September 25, 2023
La Mémoire Noire
Wednesday, March 30, 2022
Colon Cancer: A Family Tribute and A Reminder
This March, Colon Cancer Awareness Month, hits harder this year than those previous. Colon cancer runs in both sides of my family and as a person with the hereditary colon cancer syndrome, Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP), I particularly know the importance of colon cancer screening firsthand.
Due to my FAP, I required my colon to be removed at age 9 as my precancerous polyps were starting to turn cancerous. A fact that was difficult to obtain as my primary care doctor had refused me the necessary referral to be evaluated by a GI specialist - a refusal that could have cost me my life.
Colon cancer goes beyond me though. FAP runs in my mother's family. She was diagnosed with colon cancer just 3 months after I was born. My grandfather had FAP and had colon cancer as well, he later died from stomach and esophageal cancer caused by FAP. Both of their stories can be read in Touch of Cancer.
Beyond my grandfather, other members in his family likely had FAP including his sister, mother and her two brothers, three cousins, and two nieces. Beyond that, we are unsure who else has since had FAP among their family lines.
Colon cancer also runs on my father's side of the family. In his family, my grandmother died of colon cancer and two of my aunts have had it - one being my aunt Martha who we recently lost.
My aunt Martha was extremely healthy her entire life until she developed colon cancer - likely about a year or so ago. Good genes and long life run in my dad's side of the family - several family members living into their 100s. My dad is the youngest of 7 siblings - the oldest one is still in good health at age 89.
Martha was 83 and could have likely lived a much longer life if she had completed the recommended colonoscopies to prevent colon cancer. She never went to the doctor as far as I'm aware of since becoming an adult.
She began having symptoms of unexplained weight loss, bloody stools, change in bowel habits, loss of appetite, weakness. We weren't aware of all of these changes - only the weight loss. She wasn't diagnosed with colon cancer until mid-February 2022 when she was basically forced to by my parents after she fainted upon answering her house door. As it was told to me, she figured she had colon cancer just like her mother, but she had been refusing to go to the doctor or hospital out of fear of never returning to her home. Unfortunately, once she finally agreed to be evaluated, she was diagnosed with colon cancer with metastasis to the liver and lungs that was terminal and given 8 weeks to live.
Sadly, we lost her on March 22, 2022 - 5 weeks after diagnosis. My last visit with her she was barely able to speak and hard to understand, she had difficulty staying awake. We were fortunate to have hospice care available to keep her as comfortable as possible during the last weeks of her life as the pain did become increasingly worse.
Please take heed from the story of my aunt Martha and complete your recommended colonoscopies for prevent colon cancer in yourself. Please go to the doctor regularly and notify them of any changes in your health, any symptoms you experience. Please do your best to not be another colon cancer statistic.
My Tribute to My Aunt Martha
Martha and Me |
members who literally helped raise me from the age of 3 months. She spoiled me to no end as a child whether it was ensuring I had plenty of my own clothes to keep at her house, displaying my portrait on her mantle, or unnecessary gifts such as my 3-foot christmas stocking full of items.
She taught me to enjoy a variety of word puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, solitaire, and mahjong.
She supported everyone in her life, she was always in everyone's corner no matter what. She showed her love through gifts and loans to support others in their life goals and interests. She was ever giving and generous to a fault. She constantly put others ahead of herself even if it caused herself harm. She was ever more concerned about others, their feelings, and not wanting to inconvenience others than she ever was about herself.
If she discovered something that you liked, she would surprise you with a gift of that item even if that meant trying to give you her own possession. Even when she was in her last weeks of life, she wanted to read my children's book to show her support.
She was an avid believer in the power of positive thinking. Every time when asked how she was, her favorite response became "I'm phenomenal!" and said with as much enthusiasm as possible.
She was notorious for bad directions and odd quirks. During one trip to Texas, a route she had driven a multitude of times, she suddenly exited somewhere unfamiliar to me. When I asked her where we were going, she responded "I don't know, I just followed the line". She was able to laugh at herself during such instances.
She was my aunt, who I have held dear in my heart since infancy and will forevermore continue to do so.
Monday, September 27, 2021
The Unexpected After Surgery
When my CT scan showed gall stones in 2017, I expected I would require surgery to remove my gall bladder at some point. I didn't have a time frame in mind for this so I didn't quite expect it to be required by 2021 but within this time frame my many small gall stones changed into innumerable medium sized gall stones. My GI specialist theorized that my gall bladder was worsening my symptoms of chronic nausea and abdominal pain and it was time for removal. It was after receiving this news that I started to have increased pain, bloating, early fullness, and loss of appetite including difficulty eating solid foods - again contributed to my gall bladder.
My doctors agreed that it was time to remove my gall bladder and my GI specialist and surgeon urged for sooner rather than later. My main concern was increased diarrhea without a gall bladder as I already have Short Bowel Syndrome and had 20+ stools a day.
My GI specialist warned me of the risks if I decided to delay removing my gall bladder:
- Gall stones dislodging and blocking a duct and gall stone attacks which could require emergency surgery
- Inflammation and infection
- Gall bladder fusing to the liver which would further complicate surgery
- Gall bladder cancer
A few of my gall stones |
The pathology results showed that my gall bladder had FAP polyps with dysplasia without malignancy - meaning my gall bladder was precancerous. I knew that FAP polyps could develop anywhere in the GI tract resulting in additional GI cancers outside of the colon but I didn't realize that included the gall bladder. The FAP polyps in my gall bladder hadn't been detected prior to removing the gall bladder so I was fortunate it was removed when it was as gall bladder cancer is difficult to treat.
Wednesday, June 16, 2021
Turning age 95 with Familial Adenomatous Polyposis
Carleton Myers turns 95 this June. He has Familial Adenomatous Polyposis and has had an ostomy since about 1948. He has seen a lot in his years and a lot of changes in the management of this rare disease and ostomies.
Carleton's mother likely had FAP as she died from colon cancer in 1928 at the age of 28. She was adopted so there is no further family history of his mother available. His father lived to be nearly 105 with no history of colon cancer or FAP. Carleton's only sibling, Elmer, was first diagnosed with colon cancer and FAP and Elmer's first son also had FAP and died in his mid 30s. Carleton and his wife, Sheila, 91, have 5 sons who have all tested positive for FAP. Two of their grandchildren also tested positive for FAP.
This is an interview with Carleton conducted by his son, Kevin.
What were things like when you were growing up with FAP?
I managed it very well; it was right before I went into the service. I didn't have too much trouble then; it was after that when trouble started. When I learned we could have an operation to take the large intestine out completely, I did that, and it was successful.
When did you first find out that the operation could be done?
It would have been probably around 1948. That's when I knew what had to be done because my brother (Elmer) had it done in the early 1940s. He was out in the South Pacific and they sent him back because of it. He had a lot of trouble and hospitals. He managed to survive it. He died when he was 42. Other problems that this brought on, I guess. He had a lot of trouble before it. I didn't, I was fortunate enough to be younger than him and they were learning more and more about it and what they had to do and that saved me.
How did you find out about Henry Ford Hospital and Dr. Block?
I went there when Elmer found out that he had cancer. In two months, I went in and had the whole rectum system out because that's where it started growing in my brother. Because he had his intestine out before me. I didn't know which way, but I had good doctors. Just as soon as we found out that my brother had cancer, I had everything taken out.
You never expected to live into adulthood when you were a teen, is that right?
I was hopeful about getting into my 40s. That's what I was shooting for, that I could get that far. I got that far, and I kept going. What they did to me originally was taking all of the polyps that were left after they took out most of my large intestine, they left about 6 inches and the rectum. I had to go in many times to get polyps removed. Once Elmer found out he had cancer, I went immediately and found a doctor and had the rectum taken out - it was about three months after that. All of you (my children) were look at in your teens.
Do you have any recommendations for anyone now that has FAP?
I don't know what the doctors are doing now. I was just so glad to be living.
What was it like knowing about FAP?
Sheila - Scary. I knew it was going to be a battle.
Carleton - My brother wrote me a letter right away and I immediately got a doctor to do it. My brother raised me because my mother was dead so didn't have much choice.
Carleton and Sheila 75th Wedding Anniversary |
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
FAP and Lynch Syndrome Conference
The University of Michigan sponsored a Hereditary Colorectal Cancer Family Day this November in Ann Arbor, Michigan. This wasn't the first year for the family day, but it was my first year to attend. I asked my mother, who also has Familial Polyposis (FAP), to attend with me. Although she was reluctant at first to travel the distance for a two-day trip, she was ultimately glad she attended.
Me and my mother, Ina. Travis, Carleton, and his son Kevin |
The following morning the conference started, and we learned about a variety of topics related to Lynch Syndrome and Familial Polyposis. There were an estimated 60 attendees this year - primarily from Michigan. There was a variety of speakers including genetic counselors, doctors of Gastroenterology, Internal Medicine, Surgery, a Dietitian, and Travis.
We learned a great deal of information during this one-day conference. As a child, I had genetic testing completed to confirm my Familial Polyposis suspected diagnosis, but I don't remember ever talking to a genetic counselor afterwards. I visited with one of the genetic counselors to learn more about this area that I hear others talk about frequently. Genetic counselors help individuals gain access to genetic information and technology, genetic testing and diagnosing, and understanding hereditary conditions. They also can help an individual with a hereditary condition obtain testing and counseling for that individual's family members to determine who else in the family may have the condition.
My mother and I weren't very familiar with Lynch Syndrome before this conference. We learned about Lynch Syndrome from genetic counselors at the University of Michigan Cancer Genetics Department and Dr. C. Richard Boland, himself, who found the gene mutations responsible for Lynch Syndrome. It was interesting to learn that there are 5 different gene mutations that can occur to result in Lynch Syndrome and depending on which gene mutation one has, it will vary the type of cancers the person is predominately at risk for developing. Both syndromes have autosomal dominant inheritance meaning an individual has a 50% chance of inheriting the disease if one of their parents also has the gene.
Lynch Syndrome is also known as Hereditary Non-Polyposis Colon Cancer as the colon isn't carpeted with polyps in the 100s to 1000s as is the case with Familial Polyposis. Although both syndromes have increased risk for other cancers, Lynch has a high occurrence of colorectal cancer, endometrial, and ovarian cancers as well as elevated risk for stomach, liver, urinary tract, central nervous system, small intestine, and sebaceous gland cancers. FAP on the other hand has elevated risks for cancers of the thyroid, small intestine, liver and smaller but still elevated risks for central nervous system, stomach, pancreas, and bile ducts.
Adenomas (Pre Cancerous Polyps) can look different
|
Adenomas, precancerous polyps, can vary in shape and size which is why the colonoscopy prep is so important to help the doctor properly identify polyps within the GI tract. There are various prep options including drinks, enemas, meal preps, and pills to help ensure proper cleansing preparation.
For the best results, your stool should become light and transparent,
like the example on the farthest right
|
- Maintain a healthy body mass index
- Exercise for at least 30 minute a day
- Avoid sugar -energy dense foods and drinks including alcohol
- Eat a variety of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and legumes
- Limit red and processed meats
As genetic counseling plays an important role in identifying hereditary conditions, it is also important for communicating with one's family members for their own genetic testing. We heard from a genetic counselor and a patient panel about their experiences talking to their family members about genetic testing and the assistance received from genetic counselors with family members.
Travis, with Hereditary Colon Cancer Foundation, shared his experience with FAP and ways to advocate for awareness and education of the hereditary colon cancer syndromes. Dr. Elena Stoffel closed the conference with learning about medical advances to prevent the need for chemotherapy such as immunotherapy and gene therapy.
The University of Michigan, Michigan Medicine Department made registration available for a research study of microbiome identified through one's stool and a genetic registry. My mother and I decided to register for both projects.
The Family Microbiome Project looks at the bacteria among family households - families with and without Lynch or FAP. Although this project is currently enlisting family households, they are interested in individuals for a future research project.
The University of Michigan Cancer Genetics Registry has enrolled approximately 6,000 individuals from 4,700 families. To enroll an individual simply needs to have a hereditary cancer syndrome or personal/family history that is possible for one. Enrollment includes consent, medical and family history questionnaire and potential for a blood or saliva donation for research purposes. One doesn't have to reside in Michigan to enroll. Those registered are also notified of events such as the Hereditary Colorectal Family Day. If you're interested in enrolling or learning more, contact Erika Koeppe by email or calling 734-998-1274.
If you're in the Michigan area and interested in a support group for Lynch or FAP there are two support groups to choose from:
- Gilda's Club of Greater Grand Rapids - Alice 616-885-6426
- FAP and Lynch Syndrome Peer Discussion Group - Kevin 734-476-7425
My mother and I had a great time attending the conference and would encourage you to attend any future conferences for networking and educational purposes.
It was incredible being in a room with so many others with the same condition at once!
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Navigating the Road of FAP: Jamie's Story
Jamie sporting her FAP Awareness Shirt and I Am Strong Socks |
Thursday, March 26, 2015
A Mission for Early Cancer Detection: Daniel's Story
Daniel and Dr. Henry Lynch |
- Attitude = 100% (The English language contains 26 letters. If the letter "A" represents 1 and the letter "Z" represents 26 take the letters of ATTITUDE and add them up. ATTITUDE = 100) It is important to note that the word ATTITUDE is the only word in the English dictionary that equals 100.
Having a positive attitude attributed to my successful recovery. As a result my transition to this new style as an ostomate was with minimal difficulty. Furthermore, I believe attitude is permanent and mood is temporary. It is possible to have a positive attitude and be in a bad mood. However, by maintaining a positive attitude it will have a direct impact on your mood and the outcome of your life. Do not let a bad mood affect your attitude. I remind myself of this daily and try to remain positive while pressing on with my life.
- Faith: Firm Assurance Influenced Through Hope (An acronym I created on my observation of the word faith)
My analogy of the word FAITH: Having the ability of believing in something you are unable to see, but you know it is there. Example: You cannot see the prevailing trade winds; however, you can see what affect they have by the swaying of the palm trees. My positive attitude had a direct impact on my FAITH which allowed me to have a significantly better chance of overcoming adversity.
- Adapt: Attitude Determines the Ability for a Positive Transition (An acronym I created on life as an ostomate)
My analogy of the word ADAPT: After undergoing total-proctocolectomy with ileostomy surgery I had to adjust to this new lifestyle without a colon. An ileostomy can be best described as a stoma. This is a surgical opening constructed by bringing the end of the small intestine out onto the surface of the skin on the lower right abdominal area. The intestinal waste passes through the ileostomy and is collected in a prosthetic pouching system which is adhered to the skin over the stoma. The pouching system requires changing every 3 – 4 days. Having an ileostomy is a transition to a life changing experience.
It is evident my positive attitude directly influenced my faith which directly aided with my ability to adapt to lifestyle as an ostomate. From the onset I embraced being an ostomate as a challenge rather than an obstacle or disappointment.
-
- Passion: My positive attitude along with my strong faith directly impacted my ability to adapt to this new lifestyle with an ileostomy. As a result I have a yearning to share my story, the importance of colorectal cancer awareness, early detection and AFAP. This in hopes it will be a source of encouragement and inspiration for the masses. Additionally, on behalf of the Fight Colorectal Cancer and Colon Cancer Alliance I have been asked to represent both organizations in Hawaii and request Hawaii Governor David Ige and Honolulu Mayor Kirk Caldwell to proclaim March 2015 National Colorectal Cancer Awareness month in Hawaii and Honolulu respectively.
Honolulu Managing Director Ceremony Proclaiming March 2015 as Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month |
Governor Ige Proclamation of March 2015 as Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month |
Daniel Shockley was diagnosed with Attenuated Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (AFAP), a subtype of Familial Adenomatous Polyposis. Since diagnosis, surgery to remove a pre-cancerous tumor and create an ileostomy, Daniel has made it his mission to spread awareness about colorectal cancer and the importance of early detection. In addition to public speaking, Daniel also uses his experiences to advocate for legislation in support of colorectal cancer detection and treatment programs. All of Daniel's efforts can be followed through The FAP Gene Support Organization, based in England.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
The Touch of Cancer
Colon Cancer Awareness Month always leads me to reflecting upon my own family's experiences with colon cancer. I've mentioned before that FAP has ran in my family for many generations and we have had countless numbers of members die from colon cancer. Although my father's family doesn't have FAP, my paternal grandmother died of colon cancer and a very beloved paternal aunt of mine also unexpectedly developed and survived colon cancer.
Growing up with both my grandfather and mother living with FAP allowed me to gain a lot of firsthand knowledge and understanding of ostomies, FAP symptoms, and eventually cancer. I realized that the majority of people weren't experiencing what my family was and yet it was all completely normal to me. With each generation of FAP in my family, the more we've gained in information and understanding.
My grandpa survived colon cancer and appeared to lead a healthy, stable life. He developed colon cancer in the late 1950s and had his colon removed and a reconnection. I have vague flashes of visiting him in the hospital in 1994 when he developed rectal cancer and underwent another surgery for ileostomy and radiation. I never saw him struggle with his health after that until the last year of his life. He didn't let his ileostomy stop him from what he enjoyed. We went on several fishing trips, hiking through the woods, canoeing and camping trips every year. My grandpa was one of the most cherished individuals in my life. He taught me indescribable amounts of knowledge, skills, and values; we spent countless days and sleepovers together. There was no one like my grandpa and in my eyes, he could do no wrong. He was a strong, independent man with a great love for the land and his country; he fought in World War II and was awarded a Purple Heart. He saw and experienced unimaginable horrors that he kept locked away, rarely to be spoken of again. He was a no non-sense man and yet he could laugh and play in the most fun loving ways with his grandchildren.
Me and My Grandpa |
My mom was the only child of my grandpa's to inherit FAP and expected her experience to be much like his had been the majority of his life. My mom's journey was fairly calm until she unexpectedly received a diagnosis of colorectal cancer shortly after giving birth to me. My grandpa's health wouldn't change for the worse until 14 years later so everything up to this point was considered normal in our family. My mom expected to have the same surgery as my grandpa's first surgery, large bowel removal and reconnection. My parents were surprised with different news - a permanent ileostomy and very little information. Soon after my birth, my mom had her surgery and experienced a multitude of complications and nearly lost her life. Unlike my grandpa, whose struggles I rarely witnessed until the last year of his life, I witnessed my mom's struggles daily with her energy, ostomy, and frequent intestinal blockages. I've been fortunate to never have issue with food causing intestinal blockages. Yet my mom experiences intestinal blockages nearly monthly in spite of her best preventative efforts and would often require hospitalizations from the blockages. Fortunately, her number of hospitalizations have significantly reduced over the years. In 1998, she underwent the Whipple Procedure due to a precancerous FAP polyp in her duodenum. The surgery was successful but she had a difficult recovery with extreme pain and stomach issues that seriously impacted her ability to eat for an extended period of time.
Me and My Mom |
Like most families affected by FAP, colon cancer is sadly part of our family. I think of the numerous ancestors my family has lost to colon cancer and how it has touched each of my family members. The rarity of FAP, a colon cancer causing disease, is evident in each of our stories. We all experienced doctors who were unfamiliar with FAP and thought cancer stopped with the colon with FAP. Medical care and informed medical decisions were not properly provided to all of us. This lack of information and proper medical care significantly impacted us and our outcomes could have been drastically altered with the proper information and treatments. My grandfather and mother could have been diagnosed significantly sooner, received treatments at the early stages of cancer and not have experienced such risks to their lives and ultimately death for my grandfather.
This is yet another reason why research and awareness is essential for the treatment, cure, and survival of individuals with rare diseases and cancers. The FAP Research Fundraiser was a huge success and we raised $640 to start a FAP Research Fund with the National Organization for Rare Disorders. You can now find all kinds of products with various designs with profits donated to NORD FAP Research Fund at Life's a Polyp Shop. I hope you'll join our efforts.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
The FAP Beginning
For those of you that are new to the world of FAP, you must first understand the genetic disease.
Briefly, Familial Adenomatous Polyposis is a rare hereditary genetic mutation on the APC gene that predisposes an individual to colon cancer due to hundreds to thousands of precancerous polyps developing in the colon at an early age. Those with FAP develop significantly more polyps and at an earlier age than those without FAP. If the FAP polyps are not treated, the individual will inevitably develop colon cancer. Due to the autosomal dominant hereditary nature of FAP, the offspring of an affected individual has a 50% chance of inheriting FAP.
There are associated manifestations of FAP as well. These include:
- Congenital hypertrophy of retinal pigment epithelium (CHRPE)
- Osteomas, supernumerary teeth, odontomas
- Desmoids, fibromas, cysts, lipomas
- Stomach, duodenal, and other small bowel adenomas
- Gastric fundic gland polyps
- Brain tumors
- Increased Risk for Gastric Cancers and cancers of the Thyroid, Pancreas, Liver, Central Nervous System, Adrenal, and Bile Ducts
- National Comprehensive Cancer Network - FAP Guidelines for Testing and Management. Updated Annually
- Hereditary Colon Cancer Foundation Patient Guide to FAP. 2015
- National Organization for Rare Disorders FAP Report. 2014
- StatPearls: Familial Adenomatous Polyposis. 2023
- Medscape: Familial Adenomatous Polyposis Report. 2019
- The Genetic Basis of Familial Adenomatous Polyposis and its Implications for Clinical Practice and Risk Management. 2015