10 Year Blog Challenge

It's Life's a Polyp's 10 year anniversary! One of the ways to celebrate I thought would be to do the 10 Year Challenge but blog style!

So much has happened for LAP and myself in the last 10 years. I shared about previously in The Evolution of Myself with Chronic Illness how I've evolved in a large part thanks to LAP and the online Familial Adenomatous Polyposis community that not only urged me to start a blog but also has supported me throughout the years. 

I went from an incredibly shy individual shrouded in anonymity to identifying myself and broadcasting my own medical experiences to anyone who will listen over the last 10 years.

To begin, this was my profile and banner in my effort to remain anonymous. Carrying the symbolism from LAP into my photos, I edited using red filters.

 I couldn't bear the thought of bringing attention to myself directly or being "found out" in fear of judgment for my health experiences. I was still insecure about my rare diseases and the personal details that come along with chronic illness, specifically GI illnesses.

Staying with the red theme of the GI tract, I edited a photo I had taken and used for my then husband's business.

Then I drew myself riding a polyp in the colon to portray the symbolism of Life's a Polyp.

 

With the encouragement of a very kind lady, who made alot effort to discover my likely identity in order to reach me and help me further the reach of Life's a Polyp.

This extra encouragement and support gave me the strength to reveal myself to the world.

With this new level of confidence, I had a few photos taken and this became profile photo.

I love the symbolism of this photo - slaying the infamous FAP polyps in the colon.

For the next wave of banners, I used another photo from the session with the same symbolism.

And of course, as LAP expanded, I updated the banners to reflect new avenues such as the LAP Shop and YouTube channel. 

And today you see the newest profile and banner photos thanks to Mike!

To celebrate a decade of education, awareness, and empowerment Mike designed the special anniversary design for me which was added to Life's a Polyp Shop, we had 3 restaurant fundraisers for the NORD FAP Research Fund, raffles, and Imagine We Publishers donated 10% of sales of Life's a Polyp with Zeke and Katie to NORD FAP Research Fund as well! 

I also wanted to share some of my favorite blog posts and memories over the last 10 years.

Over the years I've had some wonderful guest writer articles including:

• Turning 95 with FAP
  
• Feeding Tube
  
• Desmoid Tumors
  
• Journey for Running Forward
  
• Coping with Grief and Chronic Illness
  
• A Look at Caregiving
  
• DBT for Chronic Pain
  
• Finding Yourself after a Life Detour
  
• Teaching Moments
  
• Early Cancer Detection
  
• FAP Clinical Trials

Highlights through the years include:

2021

• 8th Surgery - what led up to my 8th abdominal surgery
  
• Finding My Person - I found my soulmate and we made a lifetime commitment to one another
  
• 20 Year Reversal Anniversary - I celebrated 20 years with my ostomy reversal
  

2020

• Understanding School Accommodations - reviewing school accommodations for students
  
• Colorado Vacation - vacationing during the Covid19 pandemic
  
• Physical Therapy after Abdominal Surgery - a physical therapist shared her expertise for the necessary exercises we require after abdominal surgery

2019

• Hawaii Cruise - my parents and I experienced a Hawaiian cruise
  
• FAP Advisory Board Panel - I was part of a FAP Advisory Panel in Philadelphia, PA
• Managing Anxiety and Depression - learning ways to manage mental health

2018

• What We Need From You - reviewing what we desperately need in support from our loved ones
  
• Life with Chronic Nausea - exploring what life is like with chronic nausea
• Probiotics and the Immune System - reviewing a seminar I attended
  

2017

• Hereditary Colon Cancer Conference - my mother and I attended a Hereditary Colon Cancer Conference Michigan
• Traveling Abroad - I traveled to Mexico to attend a friend's wedding
  
• Bullying and Chronic Illness - a look at how bullying and chronic illness are experienced together
• Caregiving Father - honoring my father for all his caregiving responsibilities
  

2016

• Don't Shut Me Down - exploring the need for one to be able to express our feelings to our loved ones
  
• To The Broken Hearted - a letter of encouragement to those struggling

2015

• Open Letter to Medical Professionals - what I want all medical providers to know
  
• Let the Fire Burn - surviving self brokenness and defeat to rise above it all
  
• Alaska Cruise - my family and I went on an Alaskan cruise following my hospitalization
  
• Unexpected Hospitalization - my unexpected hospitalization and first one since 2007
  
• Adjusting to Change - learning how to adjust and cope to changes
  
• Touch of Cancer - honoring my mother and grandfather with their colon cancer experiences
  
• Bye Bye Baby - saying goodbye to my dream of having a child
  
• What FAP Means to Me - exploring what FAP means to me personally
  

2014

• Zebras and Ducks - understanding the complexity of rare disease
  
• 20th Anniversary of FAP - reviewing 20 years with FAP

2013

• PTSD Tailspin - PTSD flare
• Scarred Life - loving my scars
  

2012

• Medical Angels and Demons - remembering those who have significantly impacted me medically
• A Look Back - remembering my medical history
• FAP Beginning - FAP review and medical experiences

Tainted Moments

It's been six months since my divorce was finalized and 10 months since I separated from my now ex-husband. Life has become easier in those 10 months as I learned to accept my marriage had ended. I felt ahead of the game as I had been given the opportunity to start the grieving process months before I made the decision to divorce. I realize there is no going back, nothing to fix what transpired, there is only moving forward. There are moments, days, even months of unceasing happiness where I'm dulled into thinking I've fully moved past my marriage and divorce. But these are only passing moments of falsehood that are ripped to shreds with backslides of emotional torture and backlashes of the destruction to my life that have occurred.

Divorce is a horrendously emotionally destructive force that tears apart the psyche and the heart. Albeit necessary and unavoidable at times. It has an inescapable far reaching grasp on life after divorce. Day by day I learn to live without the one person I considered to be my true soulmate and countless other adjectives to express how much this person meant to a cautious heart that didn't expect or believe it would find or receive what was given in the span of nearly 7 highly fulfilled, unconditionally loving years. And in spite of my daily learning and adjustment, I've come to expect that the milestones of my new life are haunted by my marriage and divorce.

This wasn't an easy expectation to accept. I was blindsided after my divorce time and time again. I experienced long stretches of excellent coping with how my life was unexpectedly altered. I was happy, free of heartache, and enjoying life only to be emotionally slammed when I would accomplish a life milestone by the haunting remnants of my marriage. With each milestone or accomplishment, I'm reminded that I was supposed to be experiencing these moments with my husband not on my own or with another person. And the grieving of my marriage is renewed each time. Grieving that is soul breaking.

Divorce doesn't come in a neatly wrapped package with a guide of what to expect. I've learned one can never truly be prepared for how divorce affects the heart and life afterwards. I will be coping perfectly fine one day and my peaceful existence will be ravaged by the heartache of divorce without any warning.

Presently, I'm in the process of buying a house and as the closing date nears the worst my grieving becomes. It started the day after my bid was accepted by the seller. A couple days later my divorce's death hold loosened. Now, a little over a week away from my closing date and the death hold is tightening again. This is an exciting milestone with great promise for my future. And yet it is tainted by my marriage.

Somehow, I must force myself through the renewed grieving process and continue to forge ahead on the new paths my life holds for me as a divorced person. Otherwise, I will never be able to enjoy the wondrous milestones my future holds for me. I'm still learning how to break free of the death holds my divorce periodically has upon me. I'm told by other far more experienced divorcees that I will experience such grieving periods for 3-5 years as my heart heals and over time life becomes easier.

In the meantime, I must keep sharing my pain with loved ones who will listen to me. I take refuge in the understanding arms of other divorcees who are able to relate to my experiences unlike others who haven't experienced divorce. I restarted therapy. And beyond these steps, I'm not sure what else to do at this point. But I'm taking steps to help my heart heal and enjoy my life's milestones, tainted as they are.